Friday, May 18, 2012


I was done having babies.  I had 4.  I gave away my bassinet, baby sling, baby bath, bottles and sterilizer, and the 10 years worth of little girl clothes I had been saving from my eldest daughter's wardrobe in hopes that she might have a sister.  I gave away all the cute maternity clothes I had accumulated (as well as the not so cute ones I was happy to part with).  I felt content with my brood, and happy to spoil my latest son as the "youngest" for the rest of my days.

Then I had this dream.  I had prayed that night before going to sleep that I would be able to find my daughter's two missing leotards which she needed in order to attend dance class.  In my dream, instead of missing leotards, I had missing children, and when I woke up, I realized how much more tragic it would be if there were children I was meant to have, but never did.  I opened myself up to the idea, and prayed that if it was meant to be, that it would be obvious enough that I could set aside my firm resolution that I was done.

It was pretty obvious.  The signs started flooding in, and I had to laugh.  Someone really wanted to join our family!

So I took a deep breath and said, "Okay."  Now here I am, about 10 weeks along, feeling extremely sick and having some reservations, but confident, at least, that this was the right choice.

I just hope I don't have to do this ever again.

And just as a footnote, I'm not likely to blog much over the next little while, especially not so long as I feel like this.  I need to focus on other things :)